Squelch

The rainy season should have tapered off last month but - it didn't. It poured over the holidays. It poured yesterday; on the way home from work after the deluge the upper air was clearing up but the side valleys were crammed with white cotton. Today it poured again. Great weather for writing or editing, one would think, but did I spend the cosy hours constructively? Nah. My son made the mistake of sharing a website that has links to all the TV shows and I've been pigging out on Desperate Housewives. Yes, you read that correctly.

Since I started the day job a little over a year ago my writing has suffered. I finally finished the edits to romance #2 in December but did I spruce up the digital copy and send it off to the agent? Nope. I asked my sister to read it through and tell me her thoughts. She brought it back today and she likes it a lot, much more so than Café au Lait. She did not like one character's story arc, however. I told her I'd actually written him differently in the first draft but changed it after some feedback from the agent. My sis preferred the first version. I thought it was too predictable; the current one adds a bit of a twist to the end, and I think it trumps the first. I'm leaving it as is.

She doesn't see the story as romantic suspense, though. It's romance, but on the dark side, with a compelling subplot that she loved. (She's not a fan of romance novels generally, and would love to see me get back to work on my other projects, the ones that do not fall into the genre. And the truth is, so would I.) My present quandary is: what is this novel? It's romance, but one of the subplots is pretty strong, probably more so than the lovey-dovey stuff. The other subplot falls right into the suspense arena, but it's not enough to make the story romantic suspense. So where does it fit? Where will it fall in the marketing scheme of things? I know - I should send it off to Susan and let her do the worrying. I will, I will. Soon.

I've been doing a lot of avoiding and procrastinating, but I've got to get my act together now. I have the day job. I have the writing and promoting. And I made a commitment to my son to help him manage his fledgling business. Yes, he's struck out on his own. So, I either do some serious structuring of my time or I'll (continue to) get very little done. Time to slap myself out of the inertia, which I think is a result of my worrying and obsessing over stuff. In the meantime, it's back to those Housewives. I've got five more episodes to get through, you know. Don't you just love that Longoria girl? And Marcia Cross is awesome. Oh dear. Do I have a problem? I watch episode after episode - me, the one who's always avoided TV. Maybe watching it on the Internet doesn't count? Yeah. Right. Am I obsessive-compulsive or something like that? Or is it just the prolonged rainy season that's bogging me down in all this sticky broodiness, avoidance and self-indulgence?

Get Myself Together Week - Day 3

Happy to report am back on track with edits. Feels like working in dark, though. No idea whether changes are improvements or otherwise. Seem to be having crisis of confidence. Anxiety level in red zone.

Wish someone would advise whether second book always this hard. Likely know too much this time around. First time in knew nothing of business side, nothing about conventions, expectations, less than nothing about sheer numbers of aspiring writers out there. Wanted to write a novel. Wrote it. Fear that head now filled with too much information. TMI getting between this writer and story. Fear care too much.

Didn't believe when told pressure grows rather than abates.

Ignorance = bliss.

Get Myself Together Week - Day 2

Those imps are really something. So what did they come up with to keep me away from the edits today? My mother got ill last night... trip to doctor today... brother visits... sister visits... brother returns with niece and nephew... excessively hot weather all day... headache kicks in... mother returns with meds and appointment to see cardiologist...

Got some work done, but it wasn't much. Couldn't concentrate so gave up before I did real damage. Pressfield (The War of Art) would say work through it, no matter what. Sorry, Press.

Tomorrow is another day.

Oh, hell. That second book.

The agent's assistant loved the first book. The agent loved it, and offered representation. The editor at Dorchester loves it. She's buying it. My job right now is to focus on that second book, and beyond.

The second book is more or less finished. Since last year, actually. The agent read it, suggested a few changes (that I totally agree with) and that's what I'm ostensibly working on now. The problem is, I'm not. Working, that is. Every now and then I do a bit, but then I get sidetracked. I mean, in a major way.

First it was the teaching stint from January to May. When that ended I launched into the edits of book 2 - and stalled in grand fashion. Spent weeks working on the proposal for a nonfiction giftbook, and doing the research for the first three chapters. Finished that and started this blog. Then there dawned the day of the widget. Man, that was fun. Followed by the hunt for chicklets and, oh, lots of desultory web-surfing. Not to mention writing down some ideas for novel #3. Why am I even considering #3 when my agent is waiting for #2? I berate myself.

Every time I think about that second book something looms up in my head. I know what it is. It's fear. It's resistance. What if this one's no good? What if I make the changes and instead of getting better, the story does the opposite? What if it never sells? What if I'm a one-book wonder? What if what if what if...?

I've re-read The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. I love that book. (Thank you Angela Canales of the Woosterdafoe group). Pressfield shines an unflinching beam on every one of my neuroses, excuses, fears and rationalizations. He says what every writer who has been through the fire says: the only way to overcome the bogey is to write. Sit there. Do it. Even if you think your writing stinks, do it. Even if you know it stinks. And keep doing it. That's the only way.

I'm taking a deep breath, and making a resolution for next week. I won't go anywhere near the net until I've put in my time on #2. Every day. This crap has gone far enough.