Pudenda quotes from Shakespeare

Stole the Shakespeare quote generator meme from PJ over at The Urban Recluse. I love it! I put in the most scandalous words I could think of and kept reloading it for new quotes. The results were so hilarious I couldn't stop! Ah, Shakespeare is such fun!

I know, I know, I have a sick sense of humour. In all fairness to PJ, I should confess that the example on her post is quite innocent. This raunchy take is all mine.

Look like the innocent flower, but be the pudenda under't.

Which work of Shakespeare was the original quote from?

Get your own quotes:

For more fun with The Bard, also courtesy PJ, go to The Shakespearean Insulter. My favourite so far: "Your virginity, your old virginity is like one of our French wither'd pears: it looks ill, it eats drily." [All's Well That Ends Well.]

Reading right now: Under Orders by Dick Francis

I discovered Dick Francis a few years ago through my sister who is an equestrian and (naturally) crazy about horses. We exchange the books we each borrow from the library then subject them to a postmortem and believe me, it's great fun sharing our reads this way.

That first book was Driving Force, and it made a fan out of me. His horse-flavoured murder mysteries are written with a highly entertaining combination of vigor and wit. I was pleasantly surprised when I moseyed over to the Edgar Awards list (on the recommendation of the stilettoed writer-crushing Miss Snark who advised that every aspiring writer should read each year's winning titles) and discovered that Francis had received the following awards:

• Best Novel for Forfeit (1970)
• Best Novel for Whip Hand (1981)
• Grand Master (1995)
• Best Novel for Come to Grief (1995)

Under Orders is my current read. Sid Halley, a former champion jockey, is forced into retirement after a crippling injury and begins a second career as a P.I. In this mystery he investigates the unintended consequences of Britain's legalization of Internet gambling, as well as the murder of a jockey who had been suspected of throwing races. "Sadly, death at the races is not uncommon. However, three in a single afternoon was sufficiently unusual to raise more than an eyebrow. "

I'm just getting into the story. Driving Force was a fun read, and I expect no less from this one.

Rehearsals

"The first half-million words are just practice." - Dean Koontz

If I take that quotation to heart, then I'm only halfway through rehearsal, nowhere near curtain call. My tally thus far:

Novel No. 1 - 91,000
Novel No. 2 - 91,000
Memoir - 60,000
Novel No. 3 - 14,000

That adds up to just over a quarter million words. I also read somewhere that it's only after the first million words that a writer finds his 'voice', that elusive 'something' that makes his work recognizably his own.

Where does that leave people like Harper Lee? Mockingbird was her only novel. I suppose it's possible that it was her only published novel, and her first 500,000 to 1,000,000 words are rotting in a basement somewhere...

Does anyone truly believe in Koontz's half-million benchmark, or in the achievement of 'voice' at the million-word truck stop? I think it depends on the writer. What do you think?

Breaking News! Announcing CAFÉ AU LAIT, the novel!

This is what happens when you Google yourself at 1AM. You stumble across a PDF file with your name, Liane Spicer. Next to it you see the title of your about-to-be-released novel, and it stops you in your tracks. Interesting. You have been careful to never mention the title of said novel online anywhere, since you've heard that publishers can change to a title they consider more marketable. You scratch your head and click on the main link. A blank page comes up. Hmm. There's another link that says View as HTML, so you click there and... presto! It's a page of book titles: January 2008 IPDA book update!

Interestinger and interestinger. You don't have a clue what IPDA is, naturally, but your name is in there somewhere, along with the title of your novel! So you use the 'find' feature on the browser, enter your name, and...

It's official! CAFÉ AU LAIT by Liane Spicer is on a mass market lead titles list for 2008! You have no idea what 'lead titles list' actually means, but it sounds good! It's a Leisure title, and Wikipedia informs you that Leisure is an imprint of Dorchester, your publisher, but it's a horror imprint. Your eyes bug. You skedaddle over to the publisher's website and ascertain that Leisure does, in fact, publish romance. You wipe the sweat off your brow. Had you going for a moment there! Shame on you, Wiki!

The mysterious webpage even gives an On Sale Date: 8/26/08

Finally, it's all beginning to seem real to you. You're a writer!

A few thank-you notes are in order:

• Thank you, M.B., for your gentle urging all those years ago to pursue my writing dream. There's been a lot of water under lots of bridges, but when I think of the beginning it's you I think of.
• Thank you, Vaughn, for telling me (back in Miami when you first read the manuscript) that I was a writer, even though I insisted that I hadn't earned the title since I hadn't published anything. Thank you too for your yeoman service as my first reader and critic.
• Thank you, sis, for believing in me, always, always, always.
• Thank you, D, for being a true friend through all my ups and downs.
• Thank you, Rich, for being the great son that you are - and for all the computer and internet stuff.
• Thank you, blog buddies, for the fellowship over the past six months of this journey to publication.
• And thank you, all you writers, agents and editors out there, for the innumerable websites, blogs and articles where you provide newbie writers with free information on both the craft of writing and the business of publishing. Special thanks to those I've listed on the 'Links' page.
  

Gosh, that sounds like one of those soggy Oscar acceptance speeches. But I mean every word.

UPDATE: According to author Rowan Coleman over at Novel Racers, "...normally a lead title means your publishers are putting it top of their submissions list for which ever months your book is published in. They are telling the trade they consider it a lead title and worth buying in great quantities."

Thanks for the info, Rowan. This doesn't sound like a bad thing at all!

7 Motivational Quotes To Start Your Day, Everyday!

"You see things and say ‘Why?’ but I dream things and say ‘Why not?’”
- George Bernard Shaw

“The true measure of a man is not how he behaves in moments of comfort and convenience but how he stands at times of controversy and challenges.”
- Martin Luther King Jr.

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”
- Mark Twain

“That some achieve great success, is proof to all that others can achieve it as well.”
- Abraham Lincoln

“Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in that gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.”
- Theodore Roosevelt

“Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”
- Winston Churchill

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
- Thomas Edison

Filched from the Personal Development for the Book Smart blog.

The ties that bind... and gag

There's been a rash of weddings around here. My mom has been to three, my sister one - all within the last couple of months.

I was married once. I was 25, the boy was 22, and it was an unequivocal disaster. My upbringing was Roman Catholic and strict. I had attended only single-sex convent schools. I suppose something of the conditioning got through to me because I never fooled around. This guy was my first boyfriend, first lover. I was supposed to marry him, although I think that in my heart I knew I was making a mistake.

When I'm asked my marital status I always say I'm happily divorced, and that's the truth. So, would I marry again? I don't rule it out, but I'm, ahem, middle-aged now, so I don't have the time for an experimental marriage, or a rotten one.

People marry for love, but love alone won't cut it. I'm old enough to know that now.

People marry to raise a family. I've already raised mine, thank you.

People marry for financial security. I'm capable of providing for myself adequately.

People marry for companionship. I really like my own company so I couldn't marry for that reason alone.

People marry for sex. Ha. I know married couples who aren't getting much... And I believe in the updated adage about the cow and the milk: Why buy a whole pig just to get a little sausage? (Vulgar but true.)

People marry to conform to other people's, and society's, expectations. I was never much of a conformist to begin with, and as the years pass I'm even less so.

So where does that leave me? Happily divorced. Happily (most of the time) single. Thankful that I'm not one of those many, many unhappily married, 'fronting' people, putting on a pretend smile in public. And truly admiring of those few couples I know who actually got it right.

Personality profile meme stolen from Kevin

You Are An INFJ

The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. In love, you truly see relationships as an opportunity to connect and grow.You enjoy relationships as long as they are improving and changing. You can't stand stagnation. At work, you stay motivated and happy... as long as you are working toward a dream you support.You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher. How you see yourself: Hardworking, ethical, and helpful. When other people don't get you, they see you as: Manipulative, weak, and unstable

What's" Your Personality Type?

Hah. I don't have a manipulative bone in my body - or am I just deluded?. Weak? Well, I stuffed my face with every available calorie over Christmas but that doesn't count, does it?. As for unstable, I'm really getting tired of these memes with their aspersions about my mental health.

Strangely enough, I concur with all the good stuff.

Hunk of the month: Marcus Patrick

I've been terribly amiss with regard to the monthly posting of hunks, so I'll start 2008 off right with these photos of Marcus Patrick.

The 33-year old actor was born in Bath, England, and has been based in the US for several years. His father was of English, Irish, and French descent, while his mother is of Jamaican, Cuban, and Cherokee descent. He has appeared in such American television shows as My Wife & Kids, CSI:Miami, Days of our Lives, All My Children, Beyond The Break, Just Jordan, Dancing With The Stars, and Passions.

In 2007 he posed for the cover of the September edition of Playgirl Magazine and the magazine website. Patrick elected to pose full frontally nude for several shots, in darkened silhouette. I've never bought/read Playgirl, and now I'm beginning to think I might be missing out on... um... interesting stuff.

Backups

I found an excellent post on backups several months ago on Graeme K. Talboys' Grumblog. I planned to put a link to it on this blog but what with one thing and another my intentions got derailed.

Here it is now - everything you need to know about safeguarding your electronic files.

January writer: Edwidge Danticat

Edwidge Danticat was born in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, in 1969. Because her parents immigrated to New York when she was very young, Danticat was raised by an aunt. Danticat says that the memories of Haiti are still extremely vivid in her mind, and that her love of Haiti and things Haitian deeply influences her writing.

At the age of twelve, Danticat joined her parents in Brooklyn. She later earned a degree in French Literature from Barnard College, where she won the 1995 Woman of Achievement Award, and later an MFA from Brown University where, as her thesis, she wrote Breath, Eyes, Memory (Soho Press, 1994). This novel tells of four generations of Haitian women who struggle to overcome their poverty and powerlessness.

Krik? Krak! (1995) was a National Book Award finalist. In this collection of short stories Danticat explores Haitian identity, culture, and tradition. Many of her stories address the island's political state of affairs.

The Farming of Bones (1998), was an American Book Award winner. Other works include Behind the Mountains (2002), The Dew Breaker (2004), Anacaona: Golden Flower, Haiti, 1490 (2005), and Brother, I'm Dying (2007). She is also the editor of The Butterfly's Way: Voices from the Haitian Dyaspora in the United States and The Beacon Best of 2000: Great Writing by Men and Women of All Colors and Cultures.

Danticat's short stories have appeared in over twenty-five periodicals and have been anthologized several times. Her work has been translated into French, Korean, German, Italian, Spanish, Swedish and other languages, and she has won many prestigious awards and prizes for her writing.

In her article We Are Ugly, But We Are Here we find a distillation of the ethos that drives the writing of Edwidge Danticat.