Thursday, 26 February 2009

"Carpe vino", or "Seize the wine"

My niece, The Chicken, gave me the little plaque above for my birthday, much to my delight. I do so love wine. Her dad, my brother, presses a bottle on me every couple of months, and I buy the occasional litre myself. I don't drink wine to get drunk. I drink it because I love, LOVE the taste. It also puts a sparkle in my eye (okay, I haven't seen it but I feel it, which is proof enough). It sharpens my perception, enhances my enjoyment of every nuance of conversation, beauty, wit. Especially my own. (Hah!)

It's easy to delude yourself when you love wine. If I eat a bar of chocolate I feel guilty because I imagine the thousands of calories, the sugar and fat entering my blood stream, caking the insides of my arteries and increasing the dimensions of what I euphemistically refer to as my waistline. Wine, on the other hand, has no calories. Seriously! The sugars are natural so they don't count - right? And it's fat free. As a matter of fact, I'm convinced that wine burns the bad stuff out, so it has negative calories, sort of like carrots. Plus, it's good for your heart.

So, what has brought on these facetious musings? It's been one of those days. The machine at the supermarket declined my card. I trotted off to the ATM. Yes, funds are there, but they're not available. WTF? Go to bank, bursting with righteous indignation. Stand in long line. Teller who looks not a day over 11 tells me that the other party to my joint account is behind on a loan instalment at another branch, so they put a hold on my funds. The two accounts, by the way, are in no way related. Why does the bank do that? Because it friggin can! I walk across to the drugstore and buy a large bar of chocolate, stand in the sun for half an hour waiting for a taxi that's willing to go off route and deliver me to the corner of the little valley where I live.

Finally get into one. Shrink into myself as I observe the dirty, stained seat covers, the unkempt driver who looks like an escapee from the local jail, the general decrepitude of the vehicle. At least there's good music on the radio, that lovely theme from Flashdance: "She's a maniac, a maniac on the floor, and she dances like she's never da..." Driver flips switch and some heavy thudding soul comes on. Sounds like a big greasy guy rumbling on and on about how much he loves me. Gross! Then the car pulls into a gas station. Why don't these drivers fill up on their own time, I ask myself for the millionth time. Taxi almost disembowels itself on the turn on to my lane on account of a small bump I've never even felt in my mom's car. Home at last, Allah be praised! Strip, flip open my laptop (which hasn't left my bed in months - our passion never wanes) and begin to wax philosophical. Philosophical, of course, in the sense of 'ridiculous'.

Out comes the chocolate, massive guilt following closely on its heels. Man, I could use a drink right about now.


JJ said...

Hmmm, it's the hangovers I can't bear with wine! Give me chocolate any day.

Stephe said...

LMAO! Good grief. The images you have left swimming in the gutters of my mind, Liane. What a day you had. At least you have a "bed-warmer" to come home to.

I thought everyone could feel sparkle. I can feel sparkle.

Guanaguanare said...

Sorry about your troubles Liane, but this put a big grin on my face. I couldn't help it, you made it all humorous and like wine, your writing is just too delicious.

Debs said...

What a day! No money and a grim taxi driver, not fun at all.

I love the odd glass of rose too, unfortunately, I also adore chocolate, it cheers me up no end.

Flowerpot said...

I cant eat chocolate so I stick with the wine - and agree, the taste is wonderful - well, depending on the price of the bottle!

Anonymous said...

This reads like another chapter from that novel called life and it reads so well :)

I think wine at carnival time is appropriate in many ways. For the banks, however, wining on customers is an all year affair.

wordtryst said...

JJ, I rarely drink enough to get a hangover - or maybe I have a hollow leg? I'll take chocolate as well.

Stephe, thank heavens for my bed-warmer. Couldn't manage without it.

Guanaguanare, somehow writing about it allowed me to see the humour, and that took the stress away. Abundant blessings to you, too.

Debs, that's the thing. I can't say I have a vice: I have several!

Flowerpot, I'm not supposed to eat chocolate either, as it sometimes triggers my migraines. But do I learn? Noooo....

akalol, life's a beach! You can probably guess where I stand on 'wine' at Carnival, namely, where are the men? Am I really supposed to get excited over teeming masses of near-naked gyrating women? :D As for the banks, the less said, the better my diastolic reading.

Lane said...

I think you deserved a big hunk of choccie after that day. How can banks get away with that?? And the grimy taxi made me squirm for here.
And wine ... yep, it's truly a nectar:-)

Tam said...

Now if those clever scientist types could invent calorie-free chocolate, that would be something. I suspect it wouldn't be quite the same, though...

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

I share your love of wine.

I hope the rest of your week went better.

wordtryst said...

Lane, I did, didn't I! (Don't get me started on banks...!)

Tam, calorie-free choc could never be the same. It's all those big globs of fat and heapings of sugar that make it so delicious, along with all those endorphin stimulators!

nyc/caribbean, the week did pick up from there. Btw, every time I go to your blog my browser (Firefox) crashes. It happened again yesterday, and I so wanted to read your post on the Rihanna issue. I tried a Google search and went to the cached copy of your page with the same result. This has been happening for a couple weeks now. Has anyone else mentioned anything about this, or is the problem on my end?

kim said...

"okay, I haven't seen it but I feel it, which is proof enough"

This entire post and your comments are so funny! Some days just you just can't hold back -- love it.

kim said...'s very Meryl Streep, devil may care-ish.

Wordtryst - Liane Spicer said...

Kim, :) It was funny all right, but only in retrospect.

Smiling at the Meryl Streep allusion - I love her work.