Thursday, 8 May 2008

Ode to keyboard

I've been using an old laptop of my brother's since my computer died last year. My bro swears it's the best computer he's ever had. It's got quite a personality, this old Sony.

The '3' and '4' number keys don't work, which means that the number and dollar signs don't either. I either have to bring up the onscreen keyboard and do acrobatics, or activate the keypad thingy which shares keys with several letters of the alphabet. Of course I never remember to turn it back off until I type something like this: t was a dar2 and st6r0y n5ght.

The screen was shattered by my niece and/or nephew (who never confessed to the crime), so the laptop is hooked up to the monitor from a brand new computer I bought last year that died after three months. A rather uncomfortable arrangement.

Sometimes, for no discernable reason, the cursor takes off for parts unknown, so I type away busily until I glance at the screen and it dawns on me that I've just typed an entire paragraph somewhere in the middle of a mess of text well north of the actual bullseye.

There are several missing function keys as well - no, not the naughty niece and nefarious nephew again: I mean missing as in no smart designer has come up with them yet.

A 'wtf' key.
An 'oh, shit!' key.
A 'go to hell' key.
A 'leave me the hell alone can't you see I'm working' key.
A key that transmits a maniacal braying sound when I'm seriously tickled by something I read on a blog. LOL just doesn't cut it.

Which keys are missing from your keyboard?


Kaz Augustin said...

Oh, that's easy. :) I want a 'what the hell am I trying to say' key. And an 'aw crap' key. Luckily, I have the Undo (CTRL+Z) key, without which I would have been driven to suicide by now! Um, LOL. ;)

Matt said...

I need an "insert brilliance" key.

A "boss is coming" key would be great. Alt-Tab sometimes works. (Anyone remember the old PC version of Tetris that pulled up what looked like a spreadsheet whenever you hit pause?

The "can't you see I'm working" key would also be useful.

"More coffee" key would be good.

SpiralSkies said...

I'd rather like a magic key that materialises a steak baguette with lots of onions.

I like the idea of Matt's 'boss alert' key. There again, I'd nver get any work done if I had one of those.

Anonymous said...

The boss needs an employee key because sometimes the boss blogs between 8.00 a.m and 4.00 p.m, Monday to Friday.

What about a key that turns all the characters to Chinese just to impress friends. I think a key that shows the current balance, if any, of your bank account would be a great motivator. What about one that suddenly puts clothes on the people on your screen ;)

The Anti-Wife said...

I'm going with the food and coffee keys. Also, occasionally a "You're an idiot" key would be helpful.

wordtryst said...

Kaz, that undo key has saved my sanity countless times.

Matt, definitely the boss-is-coming key. **insert braying laugh**

Spiralskies, if I had to choose a food key it would be chocolate, so maybe it's just as well...

akalol, I suspect you're the boss. :) A key that shows my bank balance would depress me to the point of shutting down, taking to my bed and pulling the covers over my head, never to surface again! As for the modesty key, reminds me of the time I forgot all about my nude photo of Taye Diggs and went scrolling through my pictures folder with my 13-year niece. Embarrassing! That key of yours would have saved my a** then.

The girl took it well, though. If screeching with hysterical laughter can be considered taking it well.

Anti-wife, that you're-an-idiot key would get worn to the bone, especially when I read some of the comments on current political discussions. Insanity reigns!

Lane said...

That's a computer with attitude!:-)

My whole keyboard is sticky after a sparkling wine disaster. I now automatically thump the h key and the space bar when typing. If I ever have to use another keyboard, I shall probably carry on typing this way:-)

I definitely need a 'Your time on the Blog is up' key:-)

Zinnia Cyclamen said...

I'd like a key that answers the phone when it rings when I'm in the toilet because I swear it always, always does. (In these days of cordless phones I could in theory take it with me and answer it when necessary, but somehow I'm just not comfortable with that idea.)

wordtryst said...

Lane, ditto! I completely lose track of time when I'm in the blogosphere.

Zinnia, LOL... um... **braying laugher**

KAREN said...

You definitely need an upgrade!!

I need a 'please edit this chapter for me' key :o)